Wy does any relationship have to be such a tug-of-war? At times it's actually so obvious that everyone involved in the relationship wants to be the one who holds out the longest. It's been a rough week. It's had so many changes that my head is still spinning. The only constant seems to be the surety of a downhill slide.
I have never been too patient with relationships. I never seemed to have the time to just pause and take a rain-check on every hurtful word I said or spiteful deed i did. So this time I decided to surprise myself and let myself be patient. I decided to be understanding and mature..... not qualities even my mom would attribute her spoilt brat with!
But the more patient I was, the more suffocating the relationship became. The more demanding it was. Till finally, I just stepped back. I decided this is where I draw the line. It hurt like hell. It felt like i was making this huge mistake. I felt so guilty and bitchy for taking a stand.
And then surprise, surprise, .....the tables were turned. The bully became the groveller. And me I just preened at how it was my time now to be the demanding one. As my elation settled, i actually realised that I was in fact glad to experience the grovelling and the begging & the promises-made-that-will-be-broken-eventually. I started feeling this perverse sense of pleasure in being difficult, in holding the higher ground. And boy, is the view magnificent!!! Power is very much intoxicating. the power to manipulate someone, the power to see them beg, the power to know that you hold the key to someones heart. Now I was the winner in the tug-of-war.
But what a sad win it is. I am not happy because it made me guilty of becoming that very person i would cry about. I stand in those shoes today that looked so comfortable when someone else was wearing them. And today, I limp with a shoe-bite with every step!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
powere struggles have been part of mankind's history since ages now..tribal wars..then amiong genders...
and then between partners and life partners...power tastes sweet no? :P
but yea..the same power can render u powerless once uve lost ur loved ones..power can be dangerous
cheers
chris
nice post :)
You were happy because you got the ego boost.
I think ego should not come when it comes to love. And if it comes, love n relationship is surely breaking. And then how so ever you try, it will not heal. You then have to make all the efforts to adjust and keep applying glue in order to show to the world that you still are into a relationship.
Hence the shoe bites... I guess...!!
Nice reaction guys!! Power is sweet yes, but in small doses... or one cud end up wd a sugar-high!!:-)
The ego part does come in, vimal. Ego is the very basis of our being. It just depends on how u put it in play. As long as ego is not on our daily diet menu, but taken as a luxury that we can't afford in large amounts, I would say we are safe. The crack always remains, but sometimes a cracked glass is stronger than an empty one!
Love being unconditioal, without ego is a myth we hv perpetuated by ourselves. No love comes without strings....in one form or the other.
And sometimes a little shift of power helps us realise what we realy need and want...for both people, in their own way.
Uncondtional love is what is the name of the game..:)
If witnessed from both ends..!!life becomes worth the breath..!!:)
Have only been on the recieving end of the manipulation,but hey it was from someone i loved..so no issues :P
nice post...truly true...
Post a Comment