It's been so long since i've posted anything. Not much to say I guess.
Work has reached that trough where all u wanna do is ride out the wave on ur back, till u hit the shore. Strange wordings, I know. But hey, its, 9.00 am on a friday morning, the one day where I get to sleep in late. Only thing is; I didn't.
Sleeping beauty, is the loving but obviously sarcastic nick-name my dad knighted me with, eons ago. Oh, how I would grumble when asked to wake up on a week-end! All i would want is to bury myself deep in the comforter and snooze the day away.
Alas, every friday now is spent wide awake by 7 or 8 A.M either chatting with Mirchi (don't ask!) or trying real hard to pretend that i have all day to "enjoy" myself!
So here I am, craving for my coffee wondering how I can make time stop for just a little while. And as i write further, i understand the frustration of my friends when speaking with me. They accuse me (full desi ishtyle) of having so many thoughts at so many different planes that eventually none of us remember the original thought! So very much like having a dosmestic fight!!.......and to quote Brittany Spears; "Oops, i did it again"!
Is there any point to what I have written? yes there is..... my coffee is ready and I am wide awake. Decisions, decisions, decisions.....now the plan of action for today! Gym? shopping? Movie? Laundry day? With so much going, its no wonder i am turning into an insomniac! When did I grow so old? OH MY GOD, I sound like my mother 20 years ago! Now that, will definitely give me nightmares if i try and head back to bed.
So while I decide what sane, coherent idea i can put down for my next blog, this is all there is for now....random thoughts!
Friday, June 27, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Writer's Block
Haven't written anything for days. Is it a writer's block that I have stumbled upon or is it just unwillingness to let my thoughts out?
Somedays seem to pass in a haze and somedays the mind is so sharp that I don't feel like a retard!! Today is one of those days where I feel that this is not my life. Whose life am I living? It wasn't ment to be this way. Am I loosing my mind or have I resigned myself to "go with the flow". I read somewhere that only dead fish move with the water downstream. I certainly don't like labelling myself as a fish :-)), but then I don't feel so alive either.
I miss the drive to do multiple things at the same time. I miss the adrenaline rush of living.
The need for approval is so great that i seem to have forgotten that the approval comes when one shows that passion for something. The convoluted thought is why bother when no one will appreciate it. I hate the way I am today, but I am revelling in wallowing in self-pity. Pathetic!
And, tomorrow is another day. Maybe tomorrow I shall swing to the other side of the spectrum. Aah, the hope in the self-pity. Bipolar disorder??....... or just another ordinary life.
Somedays seem to pass in a haze and somedays the mind is so sharp that I don't feel like a retard!! Today is one of those days where I feel that this is not my life. Whose life am I living? It wasn't ment to be this way. Am I loosing my mind or have I resigned myself to "go with the flow". I read somewhere that only dead fish move with the water downstream. I certainly don't like labelling myself as a fish :-)), but then I don't feel so alive either.
I miss the drive to do multiple things at the same time. I miss the adrenaline rush of living.
The need for approval is so great that i seem to have forgotten that the approval comes when one shows that passion for something. The convoluted thought is why bother when no one will appreciate it. I hate the way I am today, but I am revelling in wallowing in self-pity. Pathetic!
And, tomorrow is another day. Maybe tomorrow I shall swing to the other side of the spectrum. Aah, the hope in the self-pity. Bipolar disorder??....... or just another ordinary life.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Quarter Life Crisis
I read this wonderful passage on the internet. It was like someone had read my mind and my fears and dreams and put them down on paper. So, i immediately mailed the passage to some of my friends and relatives. I wanted them to know what i am going through these days. I wanted them to have a glimpse of all that I felt and then some more. I think this passage deserves to be read time and again to remind us that we are not alone; that there are other lost souls and crushed spirits out there; People looking to find an answer that doesn't really exist. That its ok to be lost...
"Quarter-life Crisis"
"It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life; You feel alone and scared and confused; Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better; All this while you had been convincing yourself that you didn't want to be tied down to any person; Now suddenly you have moments of self-doubt when you wonder if you waited too long and let someone special get away. You love someone but maybe love someone else too, and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person! Random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic; You want to be independent but suddenly, the idea of having the stability of a special someone to trust and lean on doesn't seem all that bad. You want to be your own person and yet be taken care of at the same time.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender.
We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. "
"Quarter-life Crisis"
"It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life; You feel alone and scared and confused; Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better; All this while you had been convincing yourself that you didn't want to be tied down to any person; Now suddenly you have moments of self-doubt when you wonder if you waited too long and let someone special get away. You love someone but maybe love someone else too, and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person! Random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic; You want to be independent but suddenly, the idea of having the stability of a special someone to trust and lean on doesn't seem all that bad. You want to be your own person and yet be taken care of at the same time.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender.
We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. "
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Another week
It is the start of another week of work for me. And it seems to stretch out in front of me. How the weeks seem to pass by when u are having fun. but when work is drudgery, all u look forward to is the week-end. Can't wait for the weekend!
Friday, June 6, 2008
Cliche'd Quotes
I love quotes- so sue me! I can't help it. I am one of those people who will spend hours reading quotes....funny ones, serious ones, philosophical ones, and downright rude ones. Why not? there is so much truth attached to many of these one-liners. I mean you have got to admire the brilliance and wit of these people. The most inane of things the most common of situations can be brought home by these quotes.
I have spent most of my life collecting these little scraps of experience. Some help me laugh at the turns in my own life and some help me relate to those around me. and well... some of them help liven up a flagging conversation ( read that as put-downs/insults we dish out to friends in the name of humour).
Lately, i have started noticing these "pearls of wisdom" from my friends. The pun on a word, the relay of retorts; absolutely brilliant.
I hope out here to share quotes many of you may have heard or read; and some that may just be corollaries to stuff we already know.
And if no one really reads my blogs, what the heck? Atleast I've built up a good collection of stuff I love reading!
I have spent most of my life collecting these little scraps of experience. Some help me laugh at the turns in my own life and some help me relate to those around me. and well... some of them help liven up a flagging conversation ( read that as put-downs/insults we dish out to friends in the name of humour).
Lately, i have started noticing these "pearls of wisdom" from my friends. The pun on a word, the relay of retorts; absolutely brilliant.
I hope out here to share quotes many of you may have heard or read; and some that may just be corollaries to stuff we already know.
And if no one really reads my blogs, what the heck? Atleast I've built up a good collection of stuff I love reading!
First Step
Its' said that taking the first step is the hardest. And yes, it was. I pondered for ages on whether to write down my thoughts for all to see; or just hold my peace. It wasn't easy becoz we all feel that we have so much to say, but is anyone actually listening?
A friend of mine suggested that i should try blogging.....(That's the revenge he appears to be extracting for hours of voicing my opinions!). I guess he hopes to escape any further assault to his still existing sanity!
So, welcome to my world! A world where friends are few but friendships are strong; where the heart has been battered, but pieced back bit by bit; where there is passion for life and the belief that we all move on....at our own pace.
A friend of mine suggested that i should try blogging.....(That's the revenge he appears to be extracting for hours of voicing my opinions!). I guess he hopes to escape any further assault to his still existing sanity!
So, welcome to my world! A world where friends are few but friendships are strong; where the heart has been battered, but pieced back bit by bit; where there is passion for life and the belief that we all move on....at our own pace.
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